We had a farewell party earlier this month. I thought I would feel more somber and depressed during it, but the energy was too good in the dorm. At the end, we all stood up and talked about our experience in Tamadaira. I nearly choked up during my speech, but I tried to hold it together. Hearing what everyone had to say about their experiences here was deeply emotional. I made some lifelong friends in the dorm, and watching them speak about what has gone by was hard. I ended up mentioning all the food we'd shared together, and we all cheered. It was a fun moment. I don't think I will ever have an experience like this again in my life. I write this quite literally as I prepare to leave. I'm in a cab headed for Haneda airport. I cried so heavily as I left. Everyone I was closest to who hadn't already gone home was there, and I hugged all of them and let the tears stream down. It was so much harder than I expected. I'm not sure what to do with myself during this ride. I feel a little embarrassed since the cab driver saw me crying so much. I know I'll be back someday, but this period is over, and there's no getting it back. I'm excited to see my family, but there's so much about my life that's going to change. I learned a lot in Japan: about myself, about the country that I've come to love, and about the people who have all touched me in ways I never even imagined possible. It has been amazing and scary and overwhelming and beautiful, and I'm so glad I undertook this journey despite the fear. Goodbye, Japan.
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It's going to be over so son. I keep looking around and thinking how much I will miss everything and everyone here. There's nothing I can do to stop it, but I've made some wonderful, lasting memories this month to get me through. We had our trip to the onsen resort, and it was amazing. Nearly the whole dorm took part. My favorite person, Leo, didn't come along, but he went out with me the night before to spend time before I left. I haven't been able to properly think about what the end will mean. I've done nothing but prepare. Trying to pack and get everything together has been so exhausting, and the paperwork and all that is mostly just upsetting. It all signifies that I'm going to leave soon, and I don't want to face it.
It has been so heavy in my mind that I'll be leaving here soon, I can barely wrap my brain around it. We've been spending a lot of time, lately, trying to cram in a lot of the things we didn't do yet. I wanted to climb Mount Fuji, but I wasn't able to get anyone else interested. We did visit a lot more places. I've been to pretty much all the major parts of Tokyo, and many of the smaller areas as well. I did a lot of exploring. Liann and I went to Akihabara, and I've also gone to Kamakura by myself. I got a care package from my family this month that I was extremely grateful for, as well. It was bittersweet since it only served to remind me that I will soon be leaving. I'm trying to reflect on my time here, but it feels like a whirlwind sweeping through my brain. There's too many sights, sounds, memories. It all collects into a series of flashes that I can't quite get a grasp on. I know I'll be able to collect my thoughts and experiences better in the future, but right now it's too fresh.
The brief visit I did with Nao's family was one of the most impactful experiences I've had in Japan. I nearly began to cry on the train ride home. This family was the most warm and inviting group of people I've ever met. We did so much in just the three days I was there, and I will never forget what they did for me. I was truly touched. They even made a small photo album for me, which also nearly made me cry. I hope to someday repay them for this kindness. I know they'll be the first people I visit when I return to Japan. In other news, I was able to learn some new phrases while I was staying with them. I also had some very distinctly Japanese experiences, but also some experiences that reminded me so much of home. The town the family lives in is so similar, and the feeling of the shops there and the atmosphere, it all reminded me of family trips I take back home during the summer. I got lost in nostalgia. But I'm not feeling homesick anymore. I got over that really quickly and it hasn't made a resurgence. Nao and I have started a tradition of going out together and speaking only in Japanese for five hours. It has greatly improved my ability to speak. This month has been impactful in a lot of ways. Another major moment was our group trip to Odaiba. We did sumo on the beach, took pictures of everything, and generally had a wonderful time as a group. It was the best group outing I've been on so far, and it really capped off what has already been an amazing month.
I signed up for some really interesting classes, but I haven't had a great record here so far. I'm going to try to get it together this semester. I have some classes with my friend Liann, and that has helped me with attendance so far. Other than that, this month has included a lot of bonding and trips. We're planning some more for next month. We decided we're going to go to Odaiba some time in May. There's also a plan to go to an onsen resort, but I don't know when we'll get to that. We all go out to eat and talk a lot these days, and it has been amazing to get so much cross-cultural exchange in. I've also been invited to stay a weekend with my friend Nao's family in Saitama, which I'm extremely excited to do. It will be a good chance for me to do my best to speak only Japanese, since her family doesn't speak English. I've also always wanted to be part of a sort of host family situation, and now I have the opportunity.
The dorm was eerily quiet and empty for a long time, and suddenly it's bursting with life again. The new exchange students have arrived, and it has already been great. They're all interesting, fun people, and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of the semester with them. We're already planning trips and events that I'm really excited to take part in. Right off the bat, my friend Liann and I became close with two of the new students, and we planned a shopping trip. We have been spending a lot of time together since then. I'm looking forward to getting closer with all of them. This has revitalized me to some degree, and I've been baking a lot to welcome the new students.
Winter months always get to me. I have seasonal affective disorder, so I'm missing my sun lamp. I've been keeping my mood up by spending a lot of time with my friends. Earlier this evening, I made enchiladas for myself and my friends, and we celebrated our birthdays. I don't feel much different. I have had a really good month so far, however. We went to Fuji-Q Highlands on Valentine's Day, and that was a good experience for me since I went with a group that I normally don't get out with. It was also a group of only Japanese people and people who are fluent in Japanese, so I got a chance to improve my listening skills. I was too nervous to talk a lot, but I still feel like it was good for my language development. I'm struck by the fact that my friend Lillian is leaving soon, and that's going to be really difficult for me. I have some close friends in the dorm, but she was the person I felt closest to. She also taught me a lot since she's an Australian person who's been living in Japan her whole life, and her Japanese is extremely fluent. She's more fluent in Japanese than English, so we try to have conversations where we exchange ideas in both languages. I'm going to miss having her here, but I'm also looking forward to the arrival of the new exchange students in the coming months.
It got a lot easier to handle my homesickness this month. I feel like I went through the cycle of feelings really quickly. I'm also struck by the fact that my birthday is approaching (next month), and I'll soon be 22. It feels a lot different from previous years. Partially because I'm not at home, and partially because it's an age that doesn't feel particularly eventful. I've made plans with my friends, and with another person in the dorm who has the same birthday as me, to have a little celebration. It's mostly just going to be my usual habit of cooking for people, but I'm looking forward to it. I've been spending a lot more time getting out sight seeing in spite of the cold. Last month, we went to Tokyo Disney, which was one of the biggest highlights of my time here. It was another look into the cultural differences between Japan and home. This month, I'm looking forward to more experiences like that.
I was ready for this to happen, and I fully expected it would come during the holiday season. I have been craving Chanukkah foods and the warmth of family this whole month. I've been so homesick, I've started spending a lot of time alone reflecting on it. I've bolstered my spirits by making some foods I've missed from home, but it kind of makes it worse. I ended up spending Christmas eating Indo-kare in my room. I don't regret it, but it was kind of a strange moment. I haven't enjoyed the cold here, either. I didn't prepare myself for being in a place that actually gets cold again. Previously, I've lived in a lot of places that get well below zero, and that doesn't really happen in Tokyo, but I still don't enjoy the difference from home. It's one of the many things that's piling on and increasing my stress. I've grown tired of my area of study, along with everything else, and I am continually drawn back to cooking. It just reminds me that I made the wrong choice in going straight to college and not attending culinary school beforehand. It does give me some solace to cook for my dorm mates, however, so that's going to continue. We had a taco night that's probably going to become a monthly occurrence. It was one of the high points this month. I've made some chili and cornbread as well, which was a lot of fun.
I had another interesting holiday experience. I knew Japanese people didn't celebrate Thanksgiving, so I decided to share that with the dorm. It became a big event, wherein a lot of people helped me make it happen, and we got some funding from the International Office. The only problem was that I couldn't get a solid number of people attending, so I was scrambling for resources down to the last minute. I also made it harder for myself by going out the night before with my friends. We danced until five in the morning, took a train to Azabu, slept in a cafe for a few hours, then went to the foreign foods store as soon as it opened to buy the turkey, stuffing, and other things I would need to make the meal. It has become something of a habit for me to cook for large groups of people in the dorm, and it's one of my favorite things about my life here. I often get to share cultural foods, whether they be Jewish or otherwise. Anyways, many of the Japanese people who attended our Thanksgiving dinner loved the turkey and were really interested in the food we made. It was really fun and, I think, a huge success. I hope to do more events like this with the dorm in the future.
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AuthorThis is a blog that details my experiences in Japan. Archives
August 2015
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